I have been giving discomfort a lot of thought lately. But that is kind of an issue. Discomfort is not something we need to think about, it is something we need to feel and grow to tolerate if we are going to evolve as a culture. It is kind of like needing to tolerate mosquito bites if we want to go camping, but quite a bit more consuming.
For years, decades now, I have been unpacking the question of how to build connections across cultures, and if I am very honest, I am obsessed with this question as we need trusting connections so that we can collaborate, innovate and solve the huge problems this world is facing. I am totally convinced that it will only be possible to do this if we harness our collective intelligence. We need all the voices present. We need to move towards equity. We need to freakin’ treat each other better. We need everyone to feel safe so they can offer their wisdom, perspective and voice to the complex challenges we need to address if we want to keep living in this planet.
But this is what I have found: I can create learning contexts where clients have amazing insights regarding cultural awareness. I can teach the tools and techniques of listening. But if people don’t learn how to stay with and work through the discomfort that cross-cultural interactions evoke, they cannot listen. The auto-pilot response I see everyday is that people get defensive, they retreat. I know this very well, as it happens to me too. And without the ability work through discomfort (so that they can listen), cultural awareness becomes stereotyping as we loose the nuance of the unique person in front of us.
So this is where I will dig in. Discomfort. And it is daunting because if I am going to teach it, I will have to live it myself. In many ways I have been doing this for decades, whether living in rural India or giving public talks on my white privilege, but I know there is a lot more work for me to do here. And this will be uncomfortable. But we need to get uncomfortable to change and, in my view, we really need to change. Stat. (Thank you, Greta.)
As of today, I am starting the Discomfort Project. It may take a few years to come to full form. It may stay as a keynote talk or blogs, it may evolve into a book. The working question is this: How do I engage the discomfort of ________ so that I can __________? I think we all know being out of our comfort zone is key to change, but how do we do this as a daily practice? How do we lay and reinforce the neuropathways in our brains to tolerate discomfort so we literally change our brains to be more capable of dealing with this human challenge?
So my question for you today is, how is being uncomfortable, or the fear of discomfort, stopping you from doing the work you are here to do? How is this playing out today? First thought, best thought. Be honest. The foundation of this has to be strong honesty, so that we will have something solid to stand on, even if, especially if, that honest makes us uncomfortable.
