If there is one element that is crucial for positive growth, whether we are talking about personal development, spiritual breakthroughs or business mergers, it is reflection on what has worked and what needs to be refined. The a new year is a perfect time to look back before looking ahead. Here are three questions to ask yourself if you want to grow in this next year:
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- When did I feel most alive in last year?
- How have I allowed fear of failure to hold me back?
- Who do I need to forgive?
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To experience the full benefit of answering these questions, share your answers with someone and give them a hug. No joke. Oxytocin (aka the ‘love molecule,’ aka feeling good and close to people) is released when we connect with people. We can connect through saying “I love you,” or giving a gift, or even a hug. There is research on how social support and oxytocin can actually increase calmness and decrease anxiety in stressful situations (Heinrichs, Baumgartner, Kirschbaum, & Ehlert, 2003). In other words, connection is an antidote for the fear and worry that can spin us away from focusing on what really matters in our lives. We need connection to grow into the best versions of ourselves.
I worry about the American notion of rugged individualism and what is it doing to us. It feels like each year, we have less and less opportunities to connect. Most of us now watch TV on our computers in different rooms from our family members. We sit on trains looking at our iphones, and we are rarely close with our neighbors. Individualism may give rise to great qualities such as entrepreneurship or healthy competition, but it is starting to hold us back. I fear we may have forgotten how much we need each other, even on a neurochemical level, to become our best selves. We desperately need a world of “best selves” to address the state of the world today. So the challenge I am presenting to you is to share the vulnerability of our areas for growth with someone, face-to-face. How does fear and anger hold us back? Naming this in front of someone is a profound way to connect and to break through blocks.
In my experience, we can’t do this alone. This year, let’s lean on each other a bit more for the sake of this planet, our communities and ourselves.
Reference:
Heinrichs M, Baumgartner T, Kirschbaum C, Ehlert U. (2003), Social support and oxytocin interact to suppress cortisol and subjective responses to psychosocial stress., BiolPsychiatry, Dec 15;54(12):1389-98.
